Lost
by Nainanox
Summary: Renji always thought he had a good sense of direction. Series of pointless drabbles usually involving Renji. Chap 5: Meet the family
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Bleach belong to Kubo Tite, I'm merely borrowing his characters

Authors note: Just a pointless silly story

**Lost**

Renji Abarai cursed himself for the umpteenth time: He was completely lost and one day somebody will find his shrivelled up remains in the hallways of the Kuchiki mansion. It was the third time he passed the same corridor and he felt that he had been going in circles for hours. He was desperate enough to swallow his pride and ask a servant for directions but he couldn't see any. "How the hell do they maintain this house spotless clean if they are not constantly scrubbing?" he reflected. He only came across a weirdo called Aiko who was playing hide and seek and wouldn't talk to him, by now he was ready to believe that she was a hallucination.

Ever since the ryoka incident his relationship between his captain and him had improved very much, so much that he was often invited for lunch, dinner with him and Rukia at the Kuchiki mansion. After a while the servants started treating him as one of the family members and he could come and go as he pleased, but he would rather die than admit it to Rukia that unless he was guided by a servant, he would get lost. Lost in his thoughts he was paying attention to where his feet were taking him and he ran into a wall. That was the last straw! He started swearing and wishing that he had Zabimaru with him so that he could slash the walls and reach the dinning room, he was starting to feel famished.

"What are you doing Renji?" asked Rukia who was standing on a window's ledge smirking arrogantly. "Can't you see that I'm professing my honest and undying love for the walls of your house?" he snapped back irritated and got braced himself for a retaliatory kick. It never came! She was still smirking and asked: "Is the great and scary Abarai fuku-taichou dono lost?" "No" he snapped back, "I was merely taking a stroll."

" Really? Why did you walk down the same corridor thrice then?"

" Stupid bitch! Why didn't you help me earlier then?"

This time, he really got kicked.

"Come, Ni-sama is waiting for us. Follow me, ten years ago cousin Aiko and Iwere playing play hide and seek in here, she got lostand we still haven't found her."

Renji decided it would be unfair to help Rukia win.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer; Same as in previous chapter

A/N: This takes place just before chapter 194, and post the SS arc, so beware of spoilers

**Good versus evil**

Ukitake Jyuushiro sighed and stared at the city sprawling in front of him from the vantage point of the sookyou hill. The sereitei looked so peaceful in moonlight; nobody could guess that it had nearly been destroyed by 4 adolescents and a cat (even some shinigami including him helped out a little), and it did not look like a place preparing for the worst crisis in its history. As one of the senior most captains, he was also in charge of over seeing the reconstruction both material and moral of the sereitei. He was exhausted despite being waited on hand and foot by his two overenthusiastic subordinates.

He felt someone approach and feared being discovered by his two groupies, he relaxed when he realised that it was of his most trusted companions.

"_You found me Kuchiki! I thought I had fooled everyone"_ he said in mock anger but smiling at the petite girl

She only smiled briefly in response and said in a worried tone: _Are you alright taichou? You have seemed worn out for the past few days despite your assurances that you're fine._

As usual his pretence of being healthy did not work on her, they were not particularly close and a certain awkwardness existed between them since Kaien's death but there was a strong bond of trust between them.

"_If I can help out please tell me so"_ she continued, being close friends with Renji she had been working with him to help out the ninth, fifth and third division mostly.

"_It's not the work that tires me; it's the prospect of war against one of our own. With the hoogkyou in his hands, he can create so much havoc and we are already weakened so much by the betrayal"_ he found himself confiding to her. She was so young and frail, it seemed wrong to trouble her with his burdens.

To his surprise she smiled _"Yes, we are up against overwhelming odds to win against Aizen's minions, we will have to work really hard to overcome our weaknesses but in the end we shall win because we are the good guys and they are the bad."_

"_Good guys?" _he thought of the blood thirsty Zaraki and sadistic Mayuri Kurotsuchi.

"_Yes! just like in Naruto when the senins had to confront evil Orochimaru or even the battle between Naruto and Sasuke or Sasuke and Itachi, we have to confront them even if they were our friends"_

He wondered what the hell she was talking about an she stopped when she caught sight of his bewildered look

_"Ummm, I came here to tell you that ni-sama has invited you for a late night cup of tea at the house"_

Yes he had forgotten about more than slightly evil Byakuya. He only nodded and offered his arm to her and as they walked towards the Kuchiki estate in silence he thought about the cheerful Ichimaru, warm Aizen and honest Tousen. _Yes, we are the good guys_ he reminded himself.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: same as in previous chapters

A/N: This takes place in chapter 180, after Ichigo leaves Byakuya's room. Sorry if Byakuya and Renji seem OOC

**The conversation**

Renji stared at the orange haired brat and his friend running out of the Kuchiki estate compound. Despite his rescue of Rukia, Renji was feeling like killing him, he had interrupted the perfect moment! He was about to ask his taichou something very important. He sighed audibly and went to sit by his captain's bedside who was eyeing him curiously, almost meanly. Renji was confused, what had happened to the warm atmosphere? But he was determined to get over with it.

**Renji:**_ Ano, Kuchiki taichou, I've got something important to ask you? Could I…?_

_**Byakuya: **No! (in a very definite manner)_

_**Renji: **No? You don't even knowwhat I was going to ask you…_

_**Byakuya:** I will not allow you to court my sister._

Renji stared at the older man; apparently the sneaky bastard had known the purpose of his visit all along and he stood up in anger and indignation. After all what he'd been through recently this additional torture was too much for him.

**Renji:** _What the hell! Rukia is a grown woman and I don't need your permission to ask her out. Geez, you don't change do you? Still as stuck up and snob, aren't you? I actually thought that we could be friends._

**Byakuya: **_The only reason you aren't dead yet for thinking about Rukia in that way is because I'm grateful you rescued her. If you still remember our last fight you'll realise that you've got no chance against me, so stay away from my little sister._

Renji was growing angrier by the second:

_What about Ichigo then? Haven't you noticed how he looks at her? Just because he kicked your ass once (in a faux victory too), you'll allow him to date her? That's so unfair._

Byakuya looked thoughtful for a moment and replied cautiously:

_Renji, now that you consider me as your friend, would you help me to beat Ichigo black and blue if he tries something on Rukia (at least until senbonzakura heals itself)? _

He could not believe the nerve of the guy but Byakuya was no longer the only obstacle in the way of his love. He now had a loudmouthed orange head rival and not to mention the ghost of Kaien still hanging in Rukia's mind and according to what Ichigo had told him about his teacher he had serious suspicions concerning that Urahara's intentions towards Rukia.

_Why, why had he not confessed his love fifty years ago? Oh yeah! He had been scared to death of Rukia's kicks which still had not faded away but now he had an even greater fear of losing her. He now had to pay a really large tribute for his cowardice._

Renji sat down looking at his captain wearily thinking of the long fight ahead to win his ladylove and said:

_That's the only one thing that I can agree on with you._

Meanwhile Ichigo who was still running all over the sereitei sneezed thrice in a row.

"_Kurosaki- kun. Apparently someone really hates you her" _Orihime told him laughingly.


	4. Chapter 4

**Drunken confession**

**Disclaimer**: Same as in previous chapters

**Spoilers**: Post SS

**Characters**: Renji, Ikkaku, Kyoraku, Iba, Byakuya, Ukitake

**A/N**: I was kind of bored so I wrote this; please review if you liked it

Ukitake and Kyoraku had the habit since their academy days to meet every Friday night and sample the sake of Shunshui extensive stock. However their parties were now often crashed by the young thug gang of sereitei who saw the opportunity of getting free sake off the back of the eighth division captain. To make their claim on the sake more legitimate they often challenged the two captains to a game of poker, wagering sake bottles.

Ukitake sighed as he watched the young Abarai win the eighth consecutive round and distribute his winnings among his friends who often let him play to win their alcohol.

_Remind us, why you are here Abarai fuku-taichou? To play or nick off all our sake bottles?_

Renji grinned; he was already drunk and replied:

_I'm here because you two are my favorite taichous, after Kuchiki taichou of course, and I love your company_

The rest of the guys who were as drunk as him, roared in laughter and Ikkaku managed to say

_You actually like that frozen prick of a captain?_

Meanwhile, Byakuya who was in his office waiting for his vice captain to come and tackle the paperwork that had accumulated during their stay at the infirmary. He had reminded the brash red head several times during the day and was growing impatient. Finally he had had enough and decided to look for the idiot.

Ukitake who had had enough had retired while the rest of his comrades carried on their debate.

_Kuchiki taichou is not a priss, he's a great captain_, said Renji in the my-dad-is-better-than-yours tone

_What is it that you like so much about him? _challenged Iba

Renji paused to consider this and began to recite as if it was a speech he had long prepared for such an occasion

_Well he may not be the warmest of persons but he's very honest, upright and committed to his duty. He is probably the strongest captain after the Sou-taichou, the thirteenth and eighth who are much much older than him. _

He paused to watch Kyoraku for approval who gave a sanctimonious little nod but who was so drunk that he might be saying yes to a marriage proposal from Renji.

_And he's the hell of a looker, despite his weird hair apparel and even beats Shuuhei in popularity with the ladies! _

He finished proudly while the others stared at him in disbelief; Hisagi had turned slightly green from jealousy or too much alcohol.

Byakuya who was standing just behind the door, reiatsu concealed had caught every word of Renji's monologue and smiled faintly. Perhaps he could forgive his vice captain's forgetfulness for once. As he turned to leave he heard the loud voice of Renji once again:

_Ah yeah I forgot to mention that his sister is one hell of a hot babe!_

_Yeah, yeah she may not seem like much but she conceals real nice legs and a killer ass beneath her shinigami attire and with that nasty temper of hers she's bound to be a tigress in bed_…

He could have gone on and on about how desirable he found Rukia but suddenly all his friends started flinching and scurrying away from him. In his drunken haze he could only wonder why everybody was scrambling away in fear until he felt a murderous reiatsu emanating from behind him and heard:

_Ban Kai! Senbonzakura kageyoshi_


	5. Chapter 5

**Meet the family**

Disclaimer: same as in previous chapters

Spoilers: post SS arc

Characters: Renji, Isshin, Rukia, Yuzu

Renji's scowl melted off his face at the sight of the brilliant smile on the girl's face who had answered the door. Damn, who could have thought that such a cute little girl could be that idiot's sister. What was her name again? Yuzu, or something he thought.

" _Umm, I'm here to see Rukia Kuchiki, I'm a friend of hers"_

" _A friend of oni-san! You're most welcome, please come in, I'll call her!"_

Before he could say that he preferred to wait outside, she disappeared into the house, leaving the door wide open for him to enter. He stepped in, marveling at her naiveté concerning strangers. He could hear her calling Rukia in the house, while he waited in the living room. The house seemed almost normal in there, he had been in there only once and had only seen orange head's bedroom, but it did not compare to the splendor Rukia lived in, in the Kuchiki manor.

He grimaced when he remembered his cowardice at not being able to ask Rukia to come along with him, instead of staying at the brat's house. He had been so busy looking at the giant memorial poster of Ichigo's mother( which seemed like a rather weird custom to him), that he did not notice the bearded man standing next to him gazing at the picture until he spoke:

" _Beautiful, isn't she? Like an epitome of feminine beauty, of motherly love…."_

" _Arghh!"_ Renji could only scream as he tried to scamper away and fell down. Who the hell was that weird old man? How could he have sneaked on a vice-captain like that? Must be the crazy father Ichigo always mentioned.

"_Ah, my Masaki always knocks people off their feet the first time. Who are you young man?"_, he asked amiably as he offered a hand to Renji to help him up.

" _Uncle, that's my childhood friend Renji"_ said Rukia, who chose that exact moment to enter.

Isshin, promptly let go of Renji who had taken his hand and he collapsed once again on the floor and went to hug her.

"_Rukia-chan, how many times do I have to tell you to call me daddy! After all you are my prospective daughter in law.."_

Renji who had finally gotten back on his feet froze in the act of dusting his clothes and snarled:

"_Like hell she is! As if I'd let carrot top have her like that!"_

Still holding Rukia, he stared at him for a minute and burst out into tears of joy. He tightened the hug on Rukia who looked as bewildered as Renji felt.

" _Ah, my beautiful little daughter has got so many handsome boys chasing her! But beware Isshin Kurosaki will not let anyone have his precious little girl like that!"_

Before Renji could react he felt a fist connecting with his jaw.The mad old man had attacked him.

" _You will have to go through numerous trials to claim her hand"_ he shouted as he punched him in the guts, _" go on a quest to find the holy grail, the true cross, the golden fleece"_ he continued as he sent him a flying kick, _"survive the 72 hour marathon of domino games of the Kurosaki family" _as he elbowed him in the stomach, _" and climb the Himalayas alone without any equipment, except climbing shoes and an axe"_ he finished with a flying kick on his head.

" _Only then will I allow you to court my daughter!" _he said triumphantly to the bloody heap that was Renji while Rukia prodded his broken body with her foot.

" _Damn these slow gigais"_ he thought as he felt darkness engulf him, _" that old man is insane. Better ask her hand from Kuchiki taichou himself, even being sliced with senbonzakura is not as painful as this… at least it's less humiliating than being beaten by a crazy old man" _

_Damn it, he really rued the day he came across that midget in the Rukongai_


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: Bleach is not mine

A/N: Just a pointless, silly drabble I wrote because I could not sleep

It was a bright summer day in a world free of evil overlords trying to take over the world through utterly evil and sinister plans. It was also a very special day for the students of the prestigious Shinigami Academy where pupils were being paid a visit by two of the senior most and most powerful captains of the Gotei 13. They were all lined up in disciplined rows waiting for the captains. At the end of the row of the final semester students two prodigies were having a fierce, whispered argument:

"Come on, Byakuya-kun, I know you can do it"

"Shut up, Ichimaru, I won't go along with your idiot plan and don't use my first name"

"Why are you so cold to your roommate, don't you like to huddle in my bed during winter nights"

"I never did that! You're the one who crawls in my bed to freak me out"

"…..Ah, yes. But you have to do it, come on show me what the noble heirs-"

"And embarrass myself in front of the whole academy and my possible superiors" he interrupted, " I won't do i", but before he could finish his diatribe the two captains stopped in front of the brightest students the academy had seen in decades.

Kyoraku Shunsui put a friendly hand on Ichimaru's shoulder to talk to him, while Byakuya faced Ukitake Jyuushiro. "Pussy" the silver haired boy mouthed to him unnoticed, and turned to smile creepily at the captain.

"Ah, Kuchiki san, Yoruichi san speaks very highly of you, I look forward to see you in the Gotei 13", the long silver haired man said smiling warmly. Byakuya cursed inwardly, reached out in hand, grabbed a handful of silver hair and yanked.

Everybody in the courtyard, who had been following the exchange, stared in surprise. Kyoraku stopped in the midst of the conversation, to look over at his friend, and Ichimaru was grinning like a Cheshire. Feeling all eyes one him, Byakuya managed to stammer: I'm sorry; I don't know what took me!

'It's ok Kuchiki san' the older man replied smiling, puzzled at this insane action.

"Did it hurt?'

"Don't worry" he said, massaging his slightly sore scalp, 'you didn't pull that hard'.

"No, I meant, did it hurt when you fell down from heaven to sereitei? Because I swear you must be an angel!"

The stunned silence that met this declaration was broken by the burst of laughter from Kyoraku, followed closely by that of Ichimaru Gin. Byakuya blushed crimson and swore that it was the last time he'll take one of Ichimaru's silly dares.


End file.
